Wednesday, July 31, 2013

:: Credit Where Credit Is Due ::

Um, hi.

*blows dust off keyboard*

I'm finding my footing here again.

I've really had no desire to blog, until recently.  I've developed the most insane desire to finally write again.

I used to daily obsess about blogging subjects.  My daily thoughts were consumed with, "Oh, I should blog this!"  "That would make a great blog post!" or "What should I blog about today?"  Now, I can just exist and just BE.  It's been a nice change to clear up some of that headspace.  Not gonna lie.

There's always something to blog about.  I'm a mom of three.  That's material enough.  Especially when they're just

So.


Darn.


Cute.



Anyway,  as summer draws to a close and we start thinking about routines, bedtimes and school work once again, I'm looking forward to having a couple of mornings a week (!!!) free to work out, blog, grocery shop, meet for coffee -- pretty much do whatever I want to do.  I'm going to be a bit selfish with this time and use it to meet some personal goals.  I'll be kissing my Liam goodbye at preschool (SOB) and forcing myself into this new normal.  My time at home with full-time at-home kids is over.    Aidan will be in first grade (!), Delia in AM Kindergarten (!!) and Liam - my dear, sweet, little mama's boy, will be in Preschool (!!!).  I'm trying to visualize what this is going to look like - especially where Liam is concerned.  Out of the three, he is still so attached to me.  He is constantly looking to me in the mornings, seeking me out for a kiss or a snuggle.  Never far from where I am.  His sweet, quiet demeanor is a welcome companion to me each day.  Not sure who will have a tougher time...me or him.  It's all sad, exciting, bittersweet and heartbreaking all at once.  I'll meet it head-on.  I'll figure it out.  Hopefully.  My heart catches just thinking about driving away from my babies every day again.

I've been talking to my counselor about what this will look like.  She's encouraged me (she's the best) to take the time to work on ME.  Join a gym, take some classes, etc.  Ideally, I'd love to volunteer in Aidan and Gia's classes at LEAST once or twice a month, sit in a coffee shop and edit photos and blog, go for long walks, read, clean my house, grocery shop...so many possibilities.  I would also like to start chipping away at some pre-reqs that I'm going to need for school.

My counselor has been a godsend when it comes to this stuff.  I sometimes struggle with believing that I'm a good enough wife, good enough mom and good enough friend.  I put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to raising my kids and worrying about how others might see my family and/or I.  I struggle with things - motherhood, body issues, self-worth, time management, worry and more.  The beauty of it is, I'm not alone.  If anything, counseling has taught me that.  I'm learning that God has created me to be me - and that I am enough for the people that God has placed in different roles in my life.  That when my kids need love, attention, discipline and structure, I am enough for them.  I am enough.  Period.  You have no idea how long I've struggled with this.  I feel like I'm being let go of after being held down by so many weights for so long.  It's a process.  I'm working through it.  It's all good stuff.

Anyway...rabbit trail...I say all this to say, I'm back.  I have a lot to share and a lot to say.  And I look forward to having time to say it.

Ryan & I at South Point (southernmost point in US) in Hawaii.
The most peaceful place I've ever been, and my happy place to which I mentally go when I need it.

Sunset at Salt Pond Beach on Kauai.  My favorite island to visit, which contains some of my favorite people.
There is something about this island...you can't help but fall in love with it.

(I'll post a link to more vacation photos soon.  We had such an amazing time.)