Tuesday, March 15, 2011

:: security ::

I'm trying to face it.  My kids are growing.  They're...growing fast.  Aidan is signed up for Pre-K this fall and Gia...my Gia...she is all ready to go to preschool in the fall as well [sobbing].  Little Liam is one and WALKING.  Aidan and Gia didn't walk until after they were 15 months old.  I SO wasn't ready for this with Liam!  Anyway, back to the subject of school...

If any of you know me well at all, you'd know this: stick me in a room full of women and I instantly start to shut down.  I've never been one to really handle it well.  Maybe it's due to the fact that I grew up around mostly boys.  Stick me in a room with a bunch of men and I'm fine [I know that might sound bad, but it's true].  I've always been that way.  [Men are such fascinating creatures, aren't they?]  So, as you can imagine, navigating the world of preschools, field trips, preschool moms, teachers, has been very interesting for me.  No, I don't belong to any groups such as MOPS, etc....not to knock those of you who do - it's just not my thang [see above].  The moms of all of Aidan's classmates are all very nice - there isn't a mean one in the bunch, and it's been fun getting to know most of them.  But I still felt....I don't know...odd.  I shied away quite a bit at first -- tried to scooch in and out as fast as I could to avoid having to talk about all the things women talk about, especially regarding their kids.  It's wrong of me- I know.  I'm sorry.  It's not my fault.  I just didn't know if I could relate and I never want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I began to suck it up and realize that we're all just trying to navigate this - figure it all out.  Why is it so hard for me?  It was ridiculous.  I pride myself in being a pretty friendly, approachable person.  I was just scared.  :)  I'm finding I kind of need these fellow moms a bit more now.  I can see why women join MOPS [still...not for me].  It's to feel a sense of camaraderie - HEY!  We're all in this together!  No one has it all figured out, and it's ok to show up to preschool drop off/pick up in sweats once in awhile!    I started to relax.  You know, it's been so refreshing to show up when I want to in my sweats, hair in a baseball cap,  racing in like a bat out of hell because we're running late.  It's on those days, believe it or not, that I feel more ability to relate.    I try to stick around a few minutes extra to chat to some pretty nice ladies.  I do find myself being able to relate a lot [hello, I know. It's ridiculous.  We have kids the same age...why shouldn't I be able to relate?  It's just how I am], and even going to them for advice when I need it.  It's been great.

We're headed to another preschool this fall, and I have to admit, the thought makes me a little apprehensive.  I've gotten comfortable with the ladies I know.  I can pretty much be myself.  I know their kids' names.  BUT.  I have a secret weapon.  Her name is Laura Lowery and she comes in the form of one of my best friends.  Her son Carver will be in Gia's class [this is the boy she says she's going to marry, by the way].  Laura is a lot like I am when it comes to this stuff, and I'm SO glad we'll have each other!!    I will miss a few of the ladies from this year, though (Sarah, Jyn, Mariah, Linda, to name a few).  I'm pretty sure none of them read this blog, but if they do, I would say, THANK YOU.  Thanks for always talking to me, making me feel normal and sympathizing when I needed it.  I'm realizing I do need moms like you in my life, and I hope we can still see each other after the year is up.

And Laura...I'm happy to have you along with me for Gia's first year [still sobbing].  Field trips will be much more fun with you along for the ride!  And won't Carver and Gia look so cute on their first day?!?!  I can hardly stand it just thinking about it.

I know time's just gonna fly through these school years, but I'll always remember my first couple of years as "Aidan's mom."