Thursday, July 8, 2010

:: loyal love ::

"God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!" Lamentations 3:22 - The Message

I've been feeling a little ragged lately.  Seems I cannot catch up with anything.  I finally admitted to Ryan today that I...I am just not in a good place.  I look around my house and see mess and somehow, I just don't have the energy to do something about it.  Because I know in just mere seconds'll just be a mess again.  For example, freshly mopped kitchen floors and today it is spattered with sticky margarita (although, those 'ritas were SO worth it).  I have piles of laundry and clothes sorted, some folded EVERYWHERE.  I need to make a goodwill run, get some clothes back to their owners and pack up Liam's too-small stuff.  My bathrooms need attention and good LORD, when was the last time I dusted?!  Do my kids really need this many toys - especially the small annoying ones that litter the floor everywhere?  A shirt hangs on the bedpost, waiting - no, begging to be ironed and hung properly.  I've become discouraged with my running plan...that's a whole other story.  I'm not quitting...I've just kind of hit a wall.  Jumping back on the horse tomorrow.  I started a summer job.  We're dealing with other stresses too - financial, raising young kids, Ryan's job, blaaaaah.

At any rate, I'm determined not to say it..."UNCLE."  Waving the little white flag.  Or whatever.  Because thank GOD I'm allowed to feel this way sometimes.  A little overwhelmed, stressed, whatever.  I know, I know...I am fully aware of God's blessings in my life - a wonderful husband, children, house, jobs, clothes, food...I know that one day I'll look around and cry because I can't see any toys. I will miss folding the bitty clothes.  I'm finding perspective.  I screw it up sometimes - snapping at Ryan, the kids, getting frustrated, thinking I need this or that and OH WOULDN'T A STEAM CLEANER MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH BETTER, and blah.  I'm sitting here tonight and I realize I screwed up today.  But I get to start again tomorrow.  

Happylujah (that's what Aidan used to say).

Thanks for reading this.