Sunday, April 25, 2010

:: i am she ::

i had plans today.  to finally organize my day.  today was going to be it.  wake up early, feed liam, put him back to bed, get up, run my intervals, shower, drink my coffee and read my emails - all before the Other Two got up.  [insert laugh track here].  next, i would get the Others up, get them dressed and fed breakfast by 9am, then start on the mountains of laundry i have sitting everywhere while they quietly play.  sigh.

it's 10AM and they're just now finishing breakfast.  that doesn't seem too bad...does it?  well, it wasn't all peaches and roses getting to this point this morning.  now, i swore i never would be that mom who lost my cool and yelled at my kids.  i wouldn't let frustration get to me to the point where i boil over.  i wouldn't raise my voice.  all would be zen, calm, birds chirping...bliss.  reality smacked me in the face this morning like a cold, dead fish.  i am that mom.

monday morning for me started with my littlest letting out a scream at 5AM that could've woken the dead.  the next two hours were spent with my hand patting his belly, putting the paci back in, over and over, until shortly after 7 when the screams wouldn't stop.  the lesson learned?  liam's bowels do not like trader joe's masala simmering sauce.  we got up, i turned the heat on, fed him again, put him in his swing and made some coffee.  just as i sat down to drink my coffee and finally enjoy some silence, i heard aidan in the downstairs monitor.  now, this kid doesn't just wake up - he WAKES UP.  singing.  loudly, sometimes screeching.  usually rhythm sounds with his voice.  i cannot describe.  i'm going to have to record it sometime.  it's very hard to concentrate.  "just turn off the monitor", you may be saying.  i've tried that.  then i got so absorbed in my coffee and quiet morning that i forgot about him.  oops.  so, upstairs i went to get the Others up.  and so now here i sit, trying to enjoy my rewarmed coffee (which just doesn't ever taste the same to me - does it to you?) while the eldest 2 argue about who's mommy i am.  these two...

so it's a do-over as soon as i'm finished with this post.  liam is still sleeping in his swing, thank God.  i'll play with the kids a bit, with a quieter and nicer tone to my voice, and i'll work on that laundry and have my run at naptime.  sure, i won't get a shower until then, but i'll survive.  because sometimes, that's what it's all about.  survival.  *feeble laugh*

this is such a weird post.