Monday, April 21, 2014

:: Easter ::

I'm amazed constantly at God's presence in my life. 

In the times I feel most isolated and afraid, I know He is near. I don't know what I would do without the hope that I have in Him. I'm reminded daily of how much I am in need of a Savior. 

I am challenged to lead my children to a deeper level of knowing God and teaching them practical ways to apply and show God's love. 

I'm thankful. For a God who loves me in all my imperfections. Who gives me wisdom in raising three babies. Who provides for us and sustains us. 

I don't know where I'd be without Jesus. 

Happy Easter!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

:: It's not You, It's Me ::

Aidan asked us at dinner if we like having kids or are they too tiring (such a sweet soul).


But... we explained that wouldn't have it any other way.  Yes, my kids can be tiring.  Exhausting.  And I'm afraid it shows sometimes.  But these guys...when it gets down to it...are so pleasing and wonderful.  I've been a bit snappy as of late and am really asking God to help my perspective, my mood and my patience.  All of the changes have worn me a bit thin.

But I love being a mom.

I am making a point - starting tomorrow, to slow down, take some time, find the things (and there are many) that I enjoy about each one of my children and about being a mama.  Focusing on the good and not the hard.  Put my phone down.  Look in their eyes when they speak to me and when I answer back.  Make more points to touch them when they're near me.  Give more treats just because - no because they earned it.  Reward more.  Punish less.  Talk and explain more...less quick and easy answers.

But, when it gets too much.  Find my quiet place.  Recharge.  Breathe.  Walk.  Sip tea.  Read.

More Enjoying, Less Complaining.

Oh how I love my babies.  Someday, they'll be gone from my everyday life.  I need this time to be close, as do they.

I needed to remember this today.  Thank God for my little sweet Aidan-boy.

(all photos taken 4.6.14 at the Waterfront Park, Portland)

Friday, April 4, 2014

: New Digs ::

So.  Here we are, over a week living in our new home and we LOVE it.  It's got a cool style, lots of room and many big beautiful windows letting in the sunshine this morning.

I'm beginning to have a bit of an identity crisis.  Moving has made me into a sappy sap.  There are moments where I have sudden thoughts of going home.  It's usually when I'm driving or cleaning or some other task.  I'll have an idea and think, "Oh, when we go AM home."  It's beginning to sink in that this...this IS home.  It feels like home in my heart, but my head is still in Lynnwood every once in awhile.  I miss my friends.  I laid in bed last night and just grieved not being able to see my friends and close family each week.  It sunk in like a huge heavy blanket laid over the top of me.  Grief.  A mourning of sorts.  If anyone knows me, they'd know that my friendships are important to me.  It's always been easy for me to make friends and relatively easy to maintain friendships.  I feel challenged now to find creative ways to stay connected to my dear friends (thank God for FaceTime and Facebook!!).  We can't wait to get settled into a church home so we can form new friendships and relationships...we know...this takes time...

In the beginning of this process, I was hoping "being the one who left" would have its perks.  I mean, everything is exciting and new.  There are a lot of distractions.  I've come to realize that the grieving feels just as bad, if not maybe a little worse.  It's just all delayed.  After the newness settles, the sads creep in.  I don't need to justify things by saying I love it here - because I do, but man...I'm in a weird place.  I'm sad.  I'm a bit lonely.  Maybe even feeling a bit lost.  I have a shorter fuse than normal.  

I had a friend (thank you, Kirsten!!!) come over with her two precious kiddos yesterday for lunch and I can't even tell you how much that made Delia, Liam and I sooooooo happy.  

So, as I settle into the weirdness, maybe wallow a little bit, I have but one thing to say.

I want my friends to know that we haven't abandoned them.  Please know these are my issues that I am projecting onto them...because that's how I would maybe feel a little bit at first.  We didn't run down here to find a new life and ditch the old one.  I struggle with the idea of them thinking we've forgotten about them or aim to "replace" them.  They are definitely irreplaceable.  And we miss them and talk about them every single dang day.  Oh, dear friends...the Barrans love you with a fierce, unshakable love that time and distance cannot alter. 

Delia and her new bestie Kailin.  We thank Jesus for the Quatelas daily.  Amen.

They're our "forever" friends.

I have but one request.  Can y'all come down still for football Sundays in the fall?  I may die if I have a huge pot of soup with no mouths to eat it.

**This is a selfish post.  All about mostly me.  The kids are doing really really well, but they miss their friends too.  My next post will be happier...I promise.  I'm feeling a bit down and sorry for myself.  On the bright side: I GET TO SEE SOME OF MY PEOPLE TODAY!!!  Whooo!!!!!  I get choked up just thinking about it.  I'm going to cry all weekend.  Sigh.

Taken November 2013.  Fort Flagler.

I'm crying again...I miss this girl!